Feelings

Last night, after Callista's Internet had died, I was on a thread on /b/ that was a confession thread, where people naturally go and confess things they did. There are some really funny ones, kids pooping outside of the toilet, and general mischief but most of it is about lost loves and regrets, but a lot more about love. While I was reading it I couldn't help but think about us, and I had this weird feeling. I can't describe it accurately, but it was as if my "emotional self" filled my physical self, like my actual body.

I sort of had an epiphany of sorts and it was that I really really love Callista. I do, I  love you. I kept reading how every girl in that thread was cheating, stealing, and generally being a bitch and a whore, but I've never really felt about that way about you. I've given you all the power to hurt me, and sometimes it's hard (just because of the way I am not because of anything you did), but I trust you completely. I felt like I belonged for the first time. Almost as if you were the last puzzle piece in my life. I hope that last statement didn't scare you off, but it's true.
I've only ever wanted someone to love and to love me return, and that's all I expect out of you. I'm sorry I'm a master troll, and I'm somewhat charismatic, but I've never trolled you, and you know this too, especially after last night.(FINALLY A PERIOD. All those comma's were annoying me)

I think I've gotten side-tracked though. Sometimes I'm scared you'll leave me Callista, that I won't be worth-while anymore, and last night I thought about the possibility of you cheating on me. I thought about it while I was falling asleep and given our situation (Neckbeards with no friends) you don't really have a wide variety of people to cheat on me with, not that you would, but I'm a little paranoid sometimes. But then you log onto MSN, or text me on your phone and tell me that you love me, and it's all right. That sounded a little too womanly or disney princess-y for my normal standards, but it's true. As always;

I love you Callista

Dear Callista;

It would take me tomes just to explain how I feel in words, and let's face it, I'm not a very emotional guy anyways. Maybe this will help me be able to better show and express my emotions to you. I also thought it'd be pretty cute to make a brother blog to you and do this. Like we're estranged lovers living on different continents writing letters as we're both being held back by some unknown and malicious force. I pick the Sith Lords, because they might teach me some jedi tricks, but I digress.

I love you Callista. These 4 words accurately describe my life right now. I wake up in the middle of the night sometimes trying to tell you how much I feel, obviously when we both hang up on skype, and you can't imagine how sad it makes me with you not being there next to me. This morning I woke up and I already felt like I've waited years just to meet you, and that wasn't even a full day. I have 4 more days to go till our date, and even then at 5PM. I want to hold your hand Callista, I want to kiss you, and I want to just be around you. It's painful just not being around you.

I always feel a tinge of guilt and sadness knowing that I lied to you, like I owe you something. It means the world to me that you don't really hold it against me. You're like no other woman Callista, literately no other. I've never met a woman that had me entranced from the first moment we've met. I've always thought Love at First sight was kinda retarded, until I met you.

Even if I our date ends up with us both not talking, I'd be ecstatic if we just held each other for hours. I can't imagine how this date will end up badly because I love you so much, and I know that I'll make it work no matter what I have to do.(Pulling pants down in the middle of the movie theater). But as always Callista,

I love you.